Punk Rock Girl

Originally written in November, 2004 about taking my then 12 year old son to his first concert -

I kept procrastinating about taking my son to see the Dead Milkmen concert. Then last week, a friend at work, Dave, from the Band F.O.D. emails me that he can put me and one other person on the guest list. Great! Procrastination pays off.

Jay and I show up at the Trocadero, our name is on the list, so the woman gives us each a wristband and we enter the hall. After standing around for about thirty minutes waiting for the first band, I realize nobody else has wristbands.

"Jay," I say, "I think we can get backstage with these!" I've gone to concerts for over 20 years, and this is the first time I've ever had a chance to go backstage.

We show the bouncer our wristbands and sure enough he waves us through the backstage door. Dead Milkmen Lead Singer Rodney Anonymous is standing there, 15 years older than he should be. "Rodney," I said. "I'm so excited you guys reunited. I used to come see you all the time, and I'm excited my son's going to get a chance to see you." Rodney shakes Jay's hand, then says "Don't listen to that man onstage! Whatever you do, don't listen to that man you'll see up on stage!" He laughs and then walks away.

We meet Milkmen guitarist Joe Jack Talcum. I really do say, "Jay, meet Mr. Talcum." Joey look at me like I'm an asshole, but he shakes Jay's hand and says "Nice to meet you." Rodney walks by and says "That kid's going to see my fall flat on my face tonight!"

Dave from F.O.D. comes down the steps backstage with a big grin. He's got a a quart of Yuengling in his hand. I introduce Jay and thank him for the tickets.

Jay and I watch Nixon's Head, then F.O.D. comes out and ROCKS. Jay says they are the quickest band he's ever seen. Electric Love Muffin comes out next and I realize how much I loved their music years ago.

This hot punk rock girl comes over and stands next to Jay. At one point, she hands Jay a folded piece of paper that had been posted at the entrance. The paper reads No Moshing. No Crowd Surfing. No Stagediving. She tells Jay, "Hang this up in your room."

The Dead Milkmen come out and open with, believe it or not, Punk Rock Girl. Rodney makes his usual wise cracks throughout the night. He belts out the classic Stuart (Do you know what the queers are doing to the soil?) and Joey croons Methodist Coloring Book (..don't color outside the lines or God will send you to hell...)

Seeing the Dead Milkmen is like participating in a group sing-along. Everyone is chanting the words and laughing as Rodney paces the stage like a madman.

After a long night, we leave exhausted and don't get home until 12:30. Late night for Jay, especially on a school night. The next day, Jay is the coolest kid in his class, no doubt about it.